Park Cruising 101

Nature shaking its own hand…

A guide for first-timers. 10 tips to demystify this ancient Queer tradition. Audio and locations for paid subscribers only.

This is a free excerpt from my analog cruising manual.

Cruising in Nature…

Cruising in Nature is embedded in our history and imagination. It’s primal, thrilling and dangerous, even illegal (not like that’s ever stopped us). An outdoor tryst under trees and stars on a warm summer night, the smell of leaves or sea salt, poppers and cigarettes, cool dirt or hot sand under our hands and knees…

Cruising in Nature rewards patience and teaches gratitude. There is discipline in accepting that you don’t know where your orgasm may come from or if you’ll get one. It leaves you with two choices: leave or settle. Not "settle" as in lowering your standards, but in the settler sense of being a pioneer, to take over a piece of earth, stake a claim to a lover. To be open to a sex connection you may have missed in “the real world,” under the weight of expectations, prejudice and stigma. Those who see their lovers as a reflection of who they are, who collect them as trophies, don’t tend to thrive in Nature. Adventurers do.

Cruising in Nature is the art of minimal rejection and consent. A nod, the shy stroke of an arm, the electrifying jolt of eye contact, gestures which predate language. To be still and silent. Here, a smile can be more effective than muscles; an orgasm can start a chain reaction. A twenty-deep circle jerk in the moonlight is a sight to behold.

Our enclosed spaces are so commonly associated with loss: bars close, bathhouses close, nightclubs close, bookstores close. We memorialize them for their raids and riots, we “fight” for our neighborhoods, graffiti their walls in the language of war. But you can’t close a Natural cruising area. You can mow it down, burn the bushes, send in cops but it grows back, even if it takes a decade or two. Plagues, wars, depressions. They survive. Before we had walls and bars, we had only the outdoors to find one another.

Cruising in Nature is one of the last truly anonymous places. We still leave clues of us in sex clubs, bars and apps, open ourselves to judgement, gossip, social media sleuths. There are benefits to anonymity. It allows us to explore our fantasies, what Truman Capote called “building a lie” of our lovers. Here, you can still build that lie because there is no talking. You get to decide how you want to hide or reveal who you really are.

This is not a utopia. It is still beholden to the roles and hierarchies of gender, race, ability, and youth. These can be places of brutal superficiality and privilege. Nature is not always fair or kind—but she’s delicate, random and beautiful. Cruising the outdoors is Nature shaking its own hand.

10 Tips for Park Cruising

Cruising spots exist because of oral histories like this. By sharing where they are and how to behave, we breathe life into them. Our instincts preserve their purpose and this etiquette was passed down before Queer words were written.

These tips can apply to all cruising areas, including temporary spaces like festivals or Queer camps, but they’re tailored towards parks. And while it may not be “classic” cruising, meeting an app hookup outdoors is also an exciting and convenient hybrid!

1. Know the area. How old is the park? Has it ever been raided? Lots of cops? Just being at a park after-hours can be illegal, so Google any news. Use map apps like Sniffies and sites like Squirt.org, CruisingGays.com and even Yelp to check if sex-seekers frequent the area. Cruising areas don’t tend to move, so the old web (like early 2000s message boards) is a great resource.

2. Dress the part. We're here to project our fantasies. Be the trade you want or what you want them to want in you. Remember, this is also camouflage. A more neutral look may be safer, depending on the area. Play with your desires but if you aren’t familiar with the spot, save the bright colors and big reveal for your underwear.

3. Ease into it and always trust your gut. Scope it out, see what time feels safer to you. Some folks feel more comfortable in daylight or under the cover of darkness. Share your live location with a friend. If you aren’t fully convinced or start to feel unsafe, don’t do it. Nobody is rushing you and you got nothin’ to prove or lose!

4. Don’t get fucked up. A swig of liquid courage from a flask or a cold beer is one thing, but a drunken blackout or stumbling on G or being a coked-out chatterbox or going into a K-hole obliterates the vibe and can get you seriously hurt.

5. Leave your valuables at home and bring a small bag. Nothing is more annoying than having your pants around your ankles trying to get to a bottle of poppers or lube. Keep sex stuff in a backpack or fanny pack. Leave your credit cards, cash and jewelry at home! If you’re going far, stash a $20 bill in your shoe in case you lose your phone and need a cab. Don’t carry drugs.

6. Pretend you’re in a museum. Walk around at the same pace as an art exhibit and use similar volume. You are either the art or the viewer. Mosey around or stand and wait. Take off your headphones, put your phone away, and pay attention. If you’re interested in someone, walk to them and stand the distance as you would a painting.

7. Eye contact is the mother tongue. This silence is as much for safety as for fantasy. Use gestures and signals like nods, smirks and taps. Hold eye contact as you pass. If they turn around, approach them slowly and stand a few feet away until they give you the signal. Either of you may tug your crotch or stroke the other’s arm or chest. Tilt your head toward the direction you’d like to take them. A polite rejection may be a soft shake of the head or simply look the other way. If someone touches you but you aren’t interested, a light tap-tap of their arm is enough. If everyone is being cool, a verbal “no” is rarely necessary but don’t be afraid to use it.

   If others are having sex and you’d like to watch or join, the same rules apply. You’ll know if they want company by their location. Have they hidden in the bushes or are they out in the open putting on a show? You may stand near them and touch yourself and wait for one of them to touch you. Sex charges the air, so others may form a circle around the show. This is why orgies are common in the outdoors!

   When you’re done engaging with someone, a soft pat on the back or a verbal “thank you” and a smile is enough to say goodbye. Don’t feel pressure to small talk, unless it feels right or you’d like to leave with a new friend.

8. These are spaces for hunters, not predators. If you don’t follow these simple consent rules or if you’re rude, you will be expelled one way or another. Don’t underestimate how protective others can be of one another here. Ask for help if you need it. Leave if there’s only one other person and they makes you feel uneasy in any way.

9. Leave no trace. All it takes is for one kid to pick up an old used condom in a park, and before you know it, the bushes are trimmed, or police start to monitor. Avoid littering.

10. The park doesn’t owe you. Nature has no agenda, rent, or liquor sales; it provides what it wants. You might not find what you’re looking for, but you may be what someone else needs. These are chances to try new things, to make deposits in your sexual karma bank.

    If you view Nature cruising as a desperate last resort, it will never give you what you seek. If you are patient, empathic and appreciative, it may show you what no other space can.

    Everyone should worship and be worshipped in a garden once in their life.

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    Other forms of cruising in my new manual. Darkrooms, bathhouses & bars.

My 10 Favorite Outdoor Cruising Spots