I keep thinking of Nex Benedict stumbling out of that bathroom. Every Queer knows why the school didn’t call an ambulance or the cops. How fast would the cavalry be if the blonde homecoming queen got jumped 3-to-1?
We can trace this to anti-Trans laws and the damaged bitch over at Libs of TikTok, to “the rhetoric”…but these deaths are so much older. Our school system has rarely been “safe” for Queers. I was Nex’s age when my bully outed me in front of the entire class. “He’s a faggot and we all know it.” My teacher just stood there and shrugged like it was my fault. Now I have to act shocked and outraged, call this a “wakeup call” so more straight people give a shit. What I am is numb. Another one. Another reminder that Queer culture was built on concussions.
I’ve forgiven the teacher who let me fend off my bully alone, even if I can trace Nex’s death to him too. I’ll even forgive the 3 children in that bathroom who just ruined their lives. I don’t have time for them today. I’d rather remember my other teacher. The “bachelor” who read us poetry. Who, thinking he was alone in the classroom one day, got into a sweet argument on the phone with his “roommate” about what couch to buy. How he whispered “Can we talk about it when I get home?” like it was the nuclear codes. Who pulled me aside after my grandfather died to say “You know, crying is not a weakness.”
Nex’s death sits in our tummy next to our memories of child violence. Maybe this will spark some change. America needs sweet-faced sacrificial lambs to care about Queers. Ask Matthew Shepard’s ghost. As we struggle through rage and numbness, remember a teacher who helped you survive. Thank them in your mind.
War should make us grateful as well as angry.
Words by Leo Herrera
Such a tender and real response… I was recently diagnosed with concussive syndrome. I traced it back to the multiple bullying and gay bashing experiences of my youth. The world “ repercussions” has new meaning..
Grateful as well as angry 🌹🥀