My Gay Lil’ Recipes

Boozy Hot Cocoa

I love that hot chocolate is an ancient Mexican creation* and kind of a limp-wristed drink. I don’t drink coffee, so every time I get dragged to a coffee shop, I order hot chocolate. I’ve had a thousand cups. Most are forgettable or terrible afterthoughts: too sweet, too thin, made with cheap artificial syrups or chalky powders. I’d rather have the watery stuff from vending machines—at least it’s honest.

So, I’ve been working on my own recipe: something that’ll warm me up and fuck me up a little. Chocolate is a source of tryptophan, an amino acid that’s a precursor to serotonin. It also stimulates the release of endorphins. This makes hot chocolate a natural painkiller and mood elevator. Think of it as medicine, so use the best cocoa you can find and afford. The cheap stuff is fine in a pinch, but it’s bland, processed, and full of filler. My current fave is Guittard Grand Cacao.

Leo’s Boozy Hot Cocoa

I like to use cream milk along with an alternative like soy or oat milk, so I can enjoy a few cups without all the lactose heaviness.

But my secret ingredient is a fat dab of butter. It gives it a silky mouth-feel that coats your tongue.

This recipe leans toward a dark chocolate profile but the bite is balanced with the cartoon pile of whipped cream at the end.

I’m not using exact measurements so just play with the ingredients until you find how sweet and thick ya want it. Just remember not to let it boil or it will make a mess.

Wait until it cools off a tiny bit to add your whiskey to the cup so the alcohol doesn’t burn off.

My big complaint about hot chocolate is how fast it goes cold, so I serve in a stainless steel cup or thermos so it’s piping hot ‘til the last sip.

50-60 percent cacao powder (about 2-4 tablespoons per cup)
A fistful of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 parts milk or cream or water
1/2 parts milk alternative like soy or oat
1 fat-ass dab of butter
Hearty pinch of cinnamon, nutmeg, and/or allspice
Tiny pinch cayenne
Tiny pinch of sea salt (if the butter is salted, skip this)
Whipped cream or marshmallows
Whiskey and/or Bailey’s (or both if you really wanna live)

Combine the liquids and bring to a simmer. Add butter, chocolate chips, powder and spices, stirring gently. When the chips are melted, pour into a cup. Let it cool a tiny bit before adding the booze (so it doesn’t burn off the alcohol). Pile the whipped cream or marshmallows sky-high. Sprinkle cinnamon on top if you wanna be that girl.

*The History of Hot Chocolate

Chocolate drinks date to ancient Mesoamerica…