Como Agua Para Chocolate

Leo's Boozy Hot Cocoa Recipe

I love that hot chocolate is a Mexican creation and kind of a limp-wristed drink. I don’t drink coffee so every time I get dragged to a coffee shop, I order hot chocolate. I got made fun of plenty for this in high school. I’ve had thousands of cups. Most of them are forgettable or terrible. Usually an afterthought, too sweet, too thin, cheap artificial syrups or chalky powders. I’d rather have the watery stuff from vending machines, at least it’s honest. So I’ve been working on my own recipe. It’s Carnival here in New Orleans and parades can get chilly, so I wanted something in my thermos that will warm me up and fuck me up.

Chocolate drinks date to ancient Mesoamerica. Among the Mayans and Aztecs, cacao beans were a valuable commodity, used for religious and ceremonial purposes. The Mayans prepared chocolate drinks as early as 500 AD. They were cold and frothy, made from ground cacao beans mixed with water, cornmeal, chili peppers and spices. Chocolate was then introduced to Europe by colonizers in the 16th century. The bitter taste of the original was made palatable with sugar and honey and the removal of the peppers (of course). It became a drink of the Spanish elite and spread through Europe in the 17th and 18th century. In England and France, it became the drink of “chocolate houses,” early versions of coffeehouses. The Industrial Revolution brought the cocoa press in 1828, which made cocoa powder smoother and more soluble, finally making it accessible to the general public. There’s a science to why people love it so much. It’s a source of tryptophan, an amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin, and also stimulates the release of endorphins. This makes a good quality hot chocolate a natural painkiller and mood elevator. I always feel better after a cup of my cocoa, no matter how cold or rough the day is. That’s probably cuz I add a ton of booze.

Leo’s Boozy Hot Cocoa

My recipe works as a dessert, cocktail and savory sauce. Maybe even an aphrodisiac (again, a lot of booze). I use low fat milk with an alternative like soy or oat milk, so I can enjoy a few cups without all the lactose heaviness (and gas). But my secret ingredient is a fat dab of butter. It gives it a silky mouth-feel that coats your tongue. This leans toward a dark chocolate profile but that’s balanced with the cartoon pile of whipped cream at the end.

I’m not using exact measurements so just play with the ingredients until you find how sweet and thicc ya want it. Just remember not to let it boil or it will make a mess on the stove. Wait until it cools off a tiny bit to add your whiskey to the cup so the alcohol doesn’t burn off. And most important, splurge on a good quality cocoa powder. The Swiss Miss stuff is fine in a pinch, but it’s bland and processed. My current fave is Guittard Grand Cacao. Finally, my big complaint about hot chocolate is how fast it gets cold, so I serve in a stainless steel cup or thermos so it’s piping hot ‘til the last sip.

50-60 percent Cacao Powder (about 2-4 tablespoons per cup)
A fistful of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 parts milk or cream or water
1/2 parts milk alternative like soy or oat
1 fat-ass dab of butter
Hearty pinch of Cinnamon, Nutmeg, All Spice (if ya have it)
Tiny pinch Cayenne
Tiny Pinch of sea salt (if the butter is salted, skip this)
Whipped cream or marshmallows
Whiskey and/or Bailey’s (or both if you really wanna live)

Combine the liquids and bring to a simmer. Add butter, chocolate chips, powder and spices, stirring gently. When the chips are melted, pour into a cup. Let it cool a tiny bit before adding the booze (so it doesn’t burn off the alcohol). Pile the whipped cream or marshmallows sky-high. Sprinkle cinnamon on top if you wanna be that girl. This shit’s delicious. Try not to burn your tongue.

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